i have this wonderful feeling of well-being tonight, i think because i've been talking to jessica. we were remembering friends we had in those very first few years, kindergarten and first grade... and memories i didn't even know i had began to surface. the images were so vivid, because there was so much emotion attached to each one - everything that happened then was all-engrossing and important and in full color. i feel very alive now.

in particular, i remember the two parts of my trio in first grade, ambreen and alicia. ambreen's yard had a circle of pine trees in it that made a perfect fort, sheltered from her mom's kitchen window. we played there until we learned to grow afraid of spiders. in the back corner of her yard, there was a soft clover patch where we would hunt for four-leafed ones. it's funny, the propensity kids have for creating rituals. if we found a four-leaf clover, it was a lucky day, but we knew it wouldn't really work for wishes unless we thought them really hard, circled around the drainage pipe three times, and poked the leaves in the top.

alicia had a little brother who was obsessed with cherry bombs. i don't think he'd ever even seen one, but he always talked about them. he'd pretend he'd had his leg blown off by one, and we'd have to drag him to safety behind the bushes. once, when my dad came to pick me up, alicia's dog decided he was dangerous and ripped up the cuff of his pants. she had the straightest blond hair i'd ever seen. she almost didn't have to comb it. ambreen and i were better friends, though. we used to carry treasures in lunch boxes when we came over to play, and give each other presents of pretty crayon colors - aquamarine, peony pink, forest green - or we'd barter for them. for years after we moved, i kept the carved marble cat that she gave me on my shelf of special things.